The article "Enhance Relationships at home and at Work: 5 Steps to Becoming
an Excellent Listener" is about family, it was written by Pat Swan, M.S..
“Nature has given to guys one tongue, but two ears, that we may
hear from others twice as much as we speak.” Epictetus, Greek
Philosopher
How well we listen determines the quality of our connections
with others whether at home or work.
Yet, most of us did not
master excellent communication skills in our family of origin.
In fact, most of us haven’t taken any formal training in the art
of communication. And, as far as commnuication goes, listening
is definitely the key. Luckily, anyone can learn these skills.
Excellence is developed with practice. The following steps will
help you sharpen your listening skills.
1)Maintain good eye contact with the person you're talking to.
Eye contact is imperative in conversation, and makes it possible
for you to sense the underlying emotions as well as to assess
facial expression and body language.
Good eye contact says you
are listeinng and are interested in the person and the
conversation.
2)Empty your head of your own agenda, and listen to what the
speaker is saying. This is especially difficult if you disagree
with what the speaker is syaing or have a second opinion.
Remember, you will have your turn to speak. Overcome the
temptation to jump in with your own opinion until you have truly
explored what the ohter person has to say. (This is particularly
hard if you happen to be talking with your teenager! )
3)Check out what you have heard by stating what you thought you
heard back to the person you're speaking to.
Say something
like, “What I hear you syaing is…” “Is that right?”
If the person you're talking to agrees that you heard
accurately, great! If they say, “No, what I said was…” – believe
them. Don’t argue or come back with, “That is too what you
said.” It is amazing how many times individuals I am working
with in communication skills will argue with their partner about
what the partner said or meant! We all have a tendency to
distort somewaht based on our own experiences. That is why
reflecting back what we thouhgt we heard is important.
4)Ask open-ended questoins about the content or information
being shared.
Open-ended questions cnanot be answered with “yes”
or “no”.
They invite the spaeker to give you more information
and to expand on what they are saying. Open-ended questions
often start with “how” or “what”, or “tell me more…”
5)Try to imagine how the person you're talking to feels about
what they are talking about. This is a skill called “empathy”
and is essential for close, meaningful conversation. Shrae back
your sense of how the information is impacting them, such as,
“That must make you joyful.” Or, “It must be hard for you when
that happens.” Connecting on an emotional level shows you are
listening and truly understand them.
If you practice these five steps faithfully, you will be amazed
at how much better your relationships will become both at home
and at work.
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